wild and free...

As I sit here and thing about the past few months, my heart is pounding thinking about the exciting times I have had, the adventures I have been on, the mountains I have climbed, the roads I have biked, the oceans and rivers I have paddled on, the desert I have walked through, the mountain lakes I have swam in, the places oh the wonderful vast different places I have been. My travels have been great and many, but the people, oh the people I have met along the way have made my adventures what they are. Im blessed to have had our paths cross, to have spent time with you, talking, laughing, sharing, loving, just being. Thank you to each of you I have met, thank you to each of you, you have taught me lessons, great valuable lessons. Lessons that will not be forgotten.

Life has thrown me many curve balls over the years and I have at times risen up and at other times crumbled. I wonder tonight what makes all the difference, why at times does it conquer me, and take me to the core of my being, trash the insides of me and leave me gasping for air. I wonder why I need these moments in my life, will I that easily forget the sweetness of feeling whole, the sweetness of being content in all that I do? I wonder.

I have been so many places of solitude, of learning, of growing, of meditation, I have GROWN, I have LIVED, I have LOVED and yet at times I feel so lost, so hollow, so alone. I have risen above and LAUGHED with tears rolling down my face, I have risen above and SURRENDERED to my surroundings. I have LOVED! Again as I seem to always say it always comes down to love, to hope, to happiness.

I at times have a drive inside me to run wild, to be free, to follow my passions, to be ME. Tonight I sit and ask where is that drive right now, now while I have all the time in the world, why does it seem like the light is dimming and the walls are caving in on me. Where is that drive now. The people around me need it. I have not much to offer, I feel like melting, maybe I already am. Am I melting? Is my body going anywhere? Is there anything I can give at this point? I look at my body and see a hole of emptiness a sadness and look of confusion of…

I have to push these thoughts out, I can sit with it for a moment and acknowledge its presents and I have, but now it must leave, it must leave me alone. I will not be crushed, I will not be forgotten, I will not surrender to a feeling of helplessness. I will rise above, I will soar, I will run wild and be free.